The Girlfriend
by Professor Snaglefoompus
Summary: The Sharing is thinking about starting a dating service in order to get more Controllers. Meanwhile, Marco has some girl trouble when he gets overly flirty with Melissa Chapman.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

My name is Marco. I can't tell you my last name. Sorry, but I've got so many fangirls out there that if I put my full name in public, I'd be plagued by date requests for the rest of my life.

Not really. But I still can't tell you my last name. The Yeerks are out there, and I have to keep my last name private, or else they'd find me.

"Gee, Marco," I can hear you saying. "If you want to keep yourself private, why are you writing books about yourself? And while we're on the subject, what the heck is a Yeerk?"

Excellent questions. The Yeerks are aliens. Parasitic aliens, to be specific. Evil slugs that crawl into your brain and take over your body. They have come to take over the world. To control every single human and turn them into human controllers—Yeerk slaves.

Aren't you glad you asked a Yeerk is now?

Anyway, as any of the girls at our school can tell you, I am not only incredibly cute and unbelievably hilarious, but I am also incredibly smart.

But sometimes, on really _rare_ occasions, I have been known to do things that are slightly stupid.

Such as lose my cell phone underneath the row of lockers.

"Crap," I said to no one in particular.

I tried lying on the floor and grabbing at my phone. No dice. It was too far back for me to reach.

Seeing as I couldn't get my cell phone, I did the next best thing. I went to the nearby bathroom and found myself an empty stall.

See, my friends and I have a very special power: the power to morph animals. That's why we call ourselves the Animorphs. We can become animals whenever we want to. Normally, we only use this power to fight the Yeerks, but this was an emergency. If I didn't come home with my cell phone, Dad would probably ground me for a month.

I began my hamster morph. A few months ago, I would have used my rat morph, but I don't do that morph anymore. See, I might have used my rat morph to spy on girls in the locker room once. Or twice.

Or every day. I forget.

Anyway, Rachel, who's another one of the Animorphs, found out about it and threatened to kill me if I ever spied on girls in my rat morph again.

So, I did the only natural thing a normal teenage boy could have done: I switched to a hamster morph and resumed my daily surveillance of the girls' locker room. In my defense, I had to do it. One of those girls could turn out to be a Controller.

I began the hamster morph. See, a hamster is small enough to fit underneath the lockers. I'd do a quick morph to hamster, grab my cell phone, then morph back, no problem. So I thought.

My cheeks bulged out suddenly, and hung downwards. Let me tell you, if you've never had foot-long sacks of skin hanging from your face, it is a very weird feeling. Did I mention gross? Yeah, it's pretty gross, too.

Then I started to shrink, and my face starting changing into the hamster's face. My nose pointed out, my heads traveled upwards, and whiskers sprouted. Soon, the morph was complete.

I sniffed the air and looked around. No humans anywhere. Good. I ran out from underneath the stall and made my way to the door.

Normally when you morph an animal, you have to deal with its instincts. Hamsters can be very skittish creatures, and the hamster brain often yells at you to RUN RUN RUN in case there's danger. Very distracting. Fortunately, due to all my experience morphing the hamster, I had little trouble controlling it.

I headed through the hallway and made it to my locker. A few people saw me, but none of them did anything, because teenagers don't really care too much about hamsters. The only person who acknowledged my presence was this one girl, who looked at me and said, "Aw..." lovingly.

See? Even as a hamster, I'm cute.

I slipped under the locker easily and stuffed my cell phone into my cheeks. See, the thing about hamster cheeks is that they're like huge pouches built into your face. Very handy for storing extra food. Or cell phones, as the case may be.

My mission half-completed, I turned around and headed back to the bathroom.

That was my fatal mistake. See, teenagers may not care about hamsters, but they care about cell phones. A lot.

"CRAIG, LOOK! THAT HAMSTER'S GOT A PHONE!" someone yelled. Or maybe they didn't yell. Either way, it sounded incredibly loud to my tiny hamster ears.

"DUDE! FREE PHONE! GET IT!"

Suddenly, movement! Boom! Boom! Boom! Heavy footsteps heading my way!

The hamster brain automatically kicked in. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!

I ran. Unfortunately, compared to humans, hamsters don't run very fast at all. The two guys were on my tail in seconds.

"I GOT IT!" one of the guys yelled, prematurely.

RUN! HIDE! I dove underneath the lockers where the guys couldn't reach me.

((Heh heh, I'm safe now,)) I said to myself.

But two guys are not going to give up on a chance to get a free cell phone that easily. One of them put their face to the ground and stared at me. He reached out his hand, but I dodged out of his reach.

"It's too far back! I can't touch it!" he said.

"I've got a ruler," the other guy said. "Try using it."

Oh. A ruler. That's what I should have used to get my cell phone, instead of a hamster morph. Duh. How stupid of me not to think of that.

No time to worry about how stupid I was, though. I had to find a way to get out of there! I looked around, but there was no escape! If I ran out from under the lockers, no matter which way I went, the guys would see me!

"What the heck are you doing?" a voice asked. A girl's voice.

"We're trying to get a hamster!" one of the guys said.

I looked towards where I heard the girl's voice come from. There! About six lockers over. I could see her sneakers. They were next to...a backpack! Yes!

I made a mad dash towards the girl and dove into her backpack. The guy saw me.

"It's in your backpack! Get it!"

I spit out the cell phone and tried to shove it behind a book. Hamster paws aren't good for shoving, but there was some free space, so I managed to do it.

"In my backpack? What's in my backpack?" the girl asked.

"The hamster we're chasing."

"A hamster? In my backpack?"

Suddenly, all the light disappeared. I looked up. A huge face! The girl! Her head was blocking out the light from the ceiling.

"Ah! There _is_ a hamster in here!"

Then she reached her hand towards me. "Come here, little guy," she said kindly.

I climbed onto her palm. She lifted me up and held me close to her face. I did my best "I'm a poor, scared helpless animal" look.

It worked.

"Oh...it looks so frightened!" the girl said. "You guys scared it half to death!"

She stroked me gently a couple of times, then turned on the boys. "You guys ought to be ashamed of yourselves! Chasing a poor, innocent animal!"

"But, it...it had a cell phone!"

The girl laughed. "You expect me to believe that? A hamster with a cell phone?"

"Dude! It had a phone! It must have dropped it in your backpack!"

"You jerks! You scare a poor animal half to death for no reason at all, then you try to make up lies about it! I'm going to tell my father about you!"

One of the guys said something unprintable, and the two of them walked away. I turned to the girl and gave her my best happy hamster face.

"Sorry about that," the girl said. "Boys can be real jerks sometimes."

She petted me a couple of times, then set me back down on the ground.

"You're really cute," she said. "I'd love to take you home with me, but I can't. Fluffer McKitty would probably eat you for lunch."

That's when I realized who the girl was. Melissa Chapman.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Thought-speak is denoted by double parentheses.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Later that day, we all met in Cassie's barn. We being the Animorphs: Jake, Rachel, Cassie, Tobias, Ax and me.

Jake's our leader. He likes to pretend he's super serious and never has any fun, but I've known him ever since we were kids, so I don't buy it. Whenever he gets too into his leader role, I always joke at him until he's back to normal. You can't be serious all of the time, right?

Then there's Rachel. She's Jake's cousin. She's a tall blonde girl, and she'd be total dating material if it wasn't for the fact that she's completely insane. Whenever we have a dangerous mission against the Yeerks, Rachel always volunteers to go first. There's something seriously wrong with her.

Next is Cassie. Cassie is Rachel's best friend. She's basically a hippie. I mean, her barn is always full of animals like raccoons and skunks that any _normal_ person would stay away from, but she treats them like they're her pets or something. The girl loves animals way too much, in my opinion.

Of course, the animal Cassie loves the most is a big, silly dog. By which, I mean Jake. Jake and Cassie have major crushes on each other, but they both refuse to admit it for some reason.

Finally, there's our resident forest-dwellers: Tobias and Ax. Ax's real name is Aximili-Esgarouth-Isthill. He's an Andalite. Andalites are basically blue centaurs, except they have stalk eyes on top of their heads. And no mouth. And a huge sharp tail blade that's so fast you can barely see it.

Ax's brother, Prince Elfangor, was the one who gave us the power to morph, shortly before he was killed by the Yeerks.

Tobias is a red-tailed hawk. See, that's the downside to morphing: if you stay in a morph for more than two hours, you get stuck permanently. Tobias can still morph, thanks to an all-powerful being called the Ellimist, but his normal body is that of a hawk.

((Hey Rachel,)) Tobias said. ((Nice outfit.))

"Thanks," Rachel said, happily.

I rolled my eyes. Tobias and Rachel kind of have a thing going on. I have absolutely no idea how their relationship works, seeing as stuck in a hawk body most of the time. I told you there was something wrong with Rachel.

"Say, Rachel, you wouldn't happen to have gymnastics later tonight, would you?" I asked.

"No, I don't have gymnastics class until Thursday," Rachel said. Her eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"I kinda lost my cell phone in Melissa Chapman's backpack," I confessed. "She's in your gymnastics group, right? I thought I could you could get it for me."

"What was your phone doing near her backpack?" Rachel asked.

"No reason," I said.

"_What was your phone doing near Melissa's backpack?_" Rachel repeated dangerously.

"It fell in there accidentally," I lied. "She left before I could get it back."

"You should stay away from Melissa," Jake warned. "Her father might suspect something if you hang around her too much."

Melissa's father, Vice Principal Chapman, is one of the highest-ranking Controllers we know of. It's hard enough to deal with a vice principal normally. Even harder to do so when he's under the control of an alien bent on destroying you.

"Okay, okay," I said irritably. "Sheesh, it's not like I'm hanging out with her or anything! She has my cell phone, that's all!"

"Touchy," Rachel muttered to herself.

((I believe Prince Jake has some news,)) Ax thought-spoke to us. Thought-speech is like normal speech, except you hear it in your head, instead of with your ears. Ax uses it all the time because he doesn't have a mouth. The rest of us can only use it when we're in morph.

"Don't call me Prince," Jake said. "This news is very important, so I need everyone to be mature about it, okay?"

Jake gave me a look.

"Why are you looking at me?" I asked. "Do you think I'm not mature?"

"I don't want you to make any jokes about this, that's all."

"About what?"

"I'm serious, Marco. I know you, man. Just try to cut down on the humor this time."

"What is it that you think is so funny?" I demanded.

Jake sighed. "We've just received word that the Yeerks are starting a dating service."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

It took me approximately two seconds to come up with fifty thousand jokes.

"The Yeerks are starting a _dating service?_" I asked. "What's it called? Slug Love?"

"Marco..."

"Meet the slug of your dreams! Date a Hork Bajr! Make out a Taxxon—I understand they like kisses with extra tongue!"

"Marco..."

"I know what this is. It's their secret plan to find Visser Three a girlfriend in hopes that will make him mellow out."

"MARCO!" Jake shouted.

"What is it?"

"Shut up!"

"Can't I make just one more kissing joke?" I asked.

"No."

Cassie, ever the peacemaker, got us back on track. "How did you find out about this?" she asked.

"Tom mentioned it at dinner last night," Jake said. "The Sharing is hoping to expand its influence, in the dating scene."

Tom is Jake's brother. He's a Controller. The Sharing is the Yeerk front organization that Chapman is in charge of blah blah blah blah blah. Seriously, do I need to write this backstory all the time? You guys have read the other Animorphs books, right?

((Why?)) Tobias asked.

"It's obvious," Rachel said. "That way, they can sucker dateless losers like Marco into joining the Sharing."

"Um, excuse me?" I asked.

"Not only that, but they can make sure that every date goes perfectly," Jake said. "Hard not to when they control everything their hosts do."

"Dateless loser?" I asked.

"It's brilliant," Cassie said. "If they do this correctly, they could get every single man in town to join the Sharing."

((I have heard of this dating before,)) Ax said. ((The couples on _The Young and the Restless_ engage in this dating-behavior quite often. I believe they find it to be quite enjoyable.))

((You're right there, Ax,)) Tobias said.

"Is anybody paying attention to me?" I asked.

Jake rolled his eyes. "What is it, Marco?"

"Rachel just insulted me, and we're just going to skip over it?" I asked.

"That's not an insult," Rachel said. "It's true. When's the last time you've ever been on a date?"

"Not in a while," I admitted. "But girls still love me! Just today, I heard a girl say I was cute!"

"That wasn't a girl; that was you talking in a girl voice," Rachel said.

"Marco's voice, a girl's voice, what's the difference?" Cassie asked.

The two of them cracked up.

"Jake, help me out here, buddy," I said.

Jake grinned foolishly. "Sorry, Marco. The only reason Tom told me about the dating service is because he thought you'd be interested."

((If I may interrupt,)) Ax said. ((From what I have gathered from _The Young and the Restless_, I believe Marco would not be able to engage in this "dating" activity. He does not have the necessary level of..."hotness", I believe it is called.))

That did it. I can expect Rachel and/or Jake to make fun of me, but when someone like Ax starts dissing your mojo, you know you've got a big problem.

"Fine!" I said, getting up and leaving the barn. "If you all think I'm a loser, you can have your stupid meeting without me!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Okay, so maybe it was totally immature of me to throw a temper tantrum and leave the meeting. I kinda figured that out after I went home and chilled out by listening to some music for an hour.

I would have called Jake and apologized for being a jerk, but hey, I lost my cell phone in Melissa Chapman's backpack.

Speaking of Melissa...

...This was a great way to get back at Rachel for saying I can't deal with girls.

I called my cell phone from my house.

Melissa picked up. "Hello?"

"Hi!" I said. "You have my phone."

"This is your phone? I found it in my backpack."

"I know. I lost it today, and I've been looking all over for it. Who is this?"

"Melissa Chapman."

"Vice-Principal Chapman's cute daughter?"

"Cute?" Melissa asked.

"Um, uh..." I pretended to not know what to say. Guys, take note. Girls love it when you pull the "I accidentally revealed that I think you're cute" move. It's _golden._

"I mean, uh, I've been looking everywhere for my phone, so I decided to call it. You have it?"

"Yes," she said.

"I'm Marco [last name removed]," I said. "Is there any chance we could get together so you can give me my phone?"

"Well, I kinda have gymnastics at the Y tonight," she said. "Why don't we meet at school tomorrow?"

It figures Rachel lied about not having gymnastics that night. It's almost as if she thinks I can't be trusted with Melissa. That hurts.

I mean, she's absolutely right, but it still hurts.

"That sounds perfect," I said. "Why don't we meet up by your locker before school starts?"

Melissa's locker is near Rachel's locker. Obviously.

"Sure, no problem," Melissa said. "I have Locker 320, near the stairs."

"Thank you _so_ much for this," I said. "My dad would go ballistic if I lost my phone."

"You're welcome," Melissa said.

"So you're both cute _and_ nice," I said. "I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

Then I hung up the phone.

Damn.

I am _smooth_.

* * *

I scouted out the area near Melissa's locker the next morning.

Rachel was in position—right by her locker where she could see everything. Go time.

"Melissa!" I cried.

"You're Marco?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. "So do you have it?"

"It's right here," she said, reaching into her backpack and pulling my phone out.

"Thanks so much," I said, taking my phone. "You're awesome!"

I leaned over and gave Melissa a quick peck on the cheek. Nothing too overt, mind you. Just enough to drive Rachel wild.

(And if it drove Melissa wild, that was okay, too…)

Melissa turned red. "It's no big deal," she said. "I'm sure you'd do the same thing if you found someone else's phone."

"And I'm sure you're an awesome girl," I said. "You're my new hero."

I caught a glimpse of Rachel over Melissa's shoulder. She was practically breathing fire.

Ah, Rachel. I love messing with her, but that was my cue to exit before she morphed into a grizzly and knocked my head off.

"Anyway, I have to get to _my_ locker," I said. "Maybe we can talk again sometime later?"

"Sure, maybe," Melissa said, smiling at me.

I flashed Melissa my best "I'm the cutest boy on the planet" smile. "I can't wait."

Then I turned around and left the scene. Rachel angry? Check. Melissa was interested in me? Check. Mission successful.

Or at least, I thought it was. But, then, a hand clamped down on my shoulder.

It was Chapman.

"Marco, Marco, Marco..." Chapman said. "Why don't we meet in my office after school today?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"I'm in big trouble," I told Jake during lunch.

"What's wrong?"

"Chapman," I said. "He caught me flirting with Melissa, and now he wants me to meet with him after school!"

Jake gave me a confused look. "Marco, why were you flirting with the vice-principal's daughter?"

"I wanted to get back at Rachel for saying I'm no good with girls," I said.

"But Chapman caught you."

"And now he wants to talk with me after school! He'll probably put me in detention for a year for putting the moves on his daughter!"

"Never date someone whose dad can give you detention," Jake said. "I read that in a fortune cookie once."

"Ha ha," I said. "If Chapman doesn't kill me, Rachel will."

"Well, it sounds to me that, despite your hissy fit, you're _not_ good with girls after all."

Ouch.

"Okay, I deserved that," I said. "Sorry for running out on you guys yesterday."

Fortunately, Jake's a cool dude and doesn't hold stuff like that against you. "Don't worry about," he said. "So...Melissa Chapman."

"Yeah. Melissa."

"You could pick a worse girl to flirt with, I guess."

"You think she's cute, then?"

"Her dad wouldn't hesitate to kill you, Marco."

"You _do_ think she's cute, then," I said. "Well, sorry to disappoint you, Jake, old buddy, but I got to her first."

"Cassie probably wouldn't like it if I asked Melissa out anyway," Jake grinned.

"So how did the meeting go after I left?" I asked.

Jake checked to make sure no one was listening to us. It'd be slightly stupid if we got found out as the Animorphs because we were overheard talking about missions during school.

"The thing is, the dating service hasn't actually _started_ yet," Jake said. "According to Tom, it's still in the planning phase as one of the Sharing's 'Community Enhancement Projects'."

I nodded. That made sense. The Sharing likes to set up bogus charity causes every now and then. Although I'm not sure how "giving lonely guys something to do on the weekends" counts as a charity cause.

"That's good news, right? All we have to do is find some way to convince them to dump the project?"

Jake nodded. "That's probably going to be tougher than it sounds, though, so after school today, we're doing recon at the Sharing's Community Center. I figure Ax can work his computer magic."

I would have said something in response, but someone punched me in the back of my head. Hard.

"You are DEAD, Marco," Rachel hissed.

"Ouch," I said.

"I told you to stay away from Melissa Chapman," Rachel growled. "She's my friend, and I don't want to see you mess with her!"

I tried to weasel my way out of trouble. "What are you talking about? She had my phone! I had to see her to get it back!"

"You _liar!_"

"Rachel, calm down," Jake said. "Marco wasn't being serious. It was just his idea of a joke."

"A joke?!"

"He was messing with you, that's all," Jake said. "He's not serious about Melissa. Right, Marco?"

Jake gave me a _Marco, agree with me right now because I'm saving your behind_ look.

"Um...right," I said. "Sorry, Rachel. I was just being stupid."

"Like usual," Jake added. Some best friend _he_ is.

Rachel still looked like she wanted to rip my head off, but Jake had taken the wind out of her sails. "But—but—Marco!"

"What?"

"I saw you kiss her!" Rachel accused. "Was _that_ part of your stupid joke?"

"You kissed her?" Jake asked. "You told me you only flirted with her!"

"I plead the fifth," I pleaded.

Rachel grabbed my shirt. "That's it. You're dead."

"No!" I said. "It was a joke, okay? Ha ha? Funny? Please don't kill me."

"I want you to promise me that you will never flirt with Melissa again," Rachel said. "Joke or no joke. Stay away from her."

"You win, Xena," I said. "I'll leave her alone."

"You'd better."

Just then, the mother of all stupid thoughts hit me. "You're getting so worked up about me kissing Melissa Chapman...you're not jealous, are you?"

Rachel immediately gritted her teeth and hit me in the eye. Then she stormed off.

"I probably deserved that," I said.

"No doubt," Jake agreed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

As if dealing with Rachel wasn't bad enough, I still had to go see Chapman after school.

"Marco? What happened to your eye?"

"Nothing, Mr. Chapman," I lied.

"Have you been fighting?" Chapman asked, like a dutiful Assistant Principal.

Yes, Mr. Chapman. I've been fighting with all the guys in my gym class over the right to go out with your super-hot daughter.

"No, I accidently hurt myself during gym," I said. There was no way that I was going to accuse Rachel of giving me a black eye.

Besides, as far as Rachel was concerned, I had probably gotten off easy. That girl was scary when she got angry. But eventually, she'd understand that I was just joking around, and she'd cool off.

At least, I _hoped _she would.

"If you say so, Marco," Chapman said. He gestured to the chair in front of his desk. "Please, have a seat."

"Yes, sir."

"Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you to my office today..."

"Does it have anything to do with Melissa?"

Chapman gave me an evil grin. "Exactly, Marco. I could not help but oversee the conversation you had with her this morning."

Chapman sat down at his desk and gave me a stern look.

"You see, Marco, it is very important that I look out for Melissa, not only as her Assistant Principal, but as her father as well."

Oh boy. Here it comes.

"And that is why I felt it was necessary for us to have this little chat, Marco."

I ran a hand through my hair nervously. Why did Chapman feel the need to say my name in practically every sentence?

"Now, Marco, I should first say that I understand why you exactly how you feel. I was once your age, and I understand, Marco. I understand that it is a difficult time, and that your body is undergoing many changes, and that you are starting to have certain new...feelings towards girls."

Oh. No. Way. Chapman was going to give me "The Talk". I had to find some way to stop him fast, before my brain exploded.

"Mr. Chapman, it's not like that," I said. "Melissa and I don't know each other. I only went to her locker to pick up my cell phone."

"Are you sure, Marco?" Chapman said, giving me a stern look. "She is a very pretty, beautiful, sexy young lady. I can understand how any boy could have feelings for her."

Ew. She's your daughter, you perv.

"I...I have a girlfriend already," I lied. Anything to put an end to this conversation as soon as possible.

"You do?" Chapman asked. "I mean, of course you do. You are a very nice young boy, Marco."

Again, ew.

"May I ask who the lucky lady is?"

"Katherine Applegate," I said, making up the first name that popped into my head. "So you see, I'm not interesting in your daughter. I'm involved with someone else."

"I see," Chapman said. "Well, I'm glad to hear that, but in any case, Marco, I'm afraid I will have to warn you that kissing is not allowed in our school. If you and your lady friend would like some more..._family-appropriate_ activities, the Sharing is a great place for you..."

Chapman started rambling on about the Sharing and all the fun things its members do, such as not kiss each other. I always knew the Sharing was boring.

Eventually, Chapman stopped his lecture on appropriate behaviors for kids my age. I only pretended to pay attention to him. I was just glad he didn't give me "The Talk". Or detention.

"I think I understand, Mr. Chapman," I said. "Can I go now?"

"Sure, Marco. Just make sure to think about what I said, okay?"

I gave Chapman a huge phony grin. "I certainly will, sir."

Chapman nodded. "Good. You may leave now."

I left the office with a huge sigh of relief. Hopefully, that would be the end of all my Chapman troubles.

But if there's one thing I've learned from being an Animorph, it's that you should never count on luck. Almost immediately after I left Chapman's office, Melissa Chapman came bursting around the corner.

"Marco? I heard about my father and—Oh my gosh!" Melissa said, her hand rising to her cheek. "He punched you in the eye!"

"What? No!"

"I knew he would go overboard! I'm sorry! He's really overprotective."

"Your father didn't punch me," I assured Melissa. "I hurt my eye in an accident."

"Really? I have some lotion in my locker. I could get it, and you could try rubbing it on the bruise."

My eye must have looked worse than I thought.

"I'd love to, but I can't," I said. "I have...something I have to do at home right away. See you later, Melissa."

"Well...bye," Melissa said. She sounded disappointed. As any girl would, of course.

_Sorry Melissa,_ I thought as I walked away. I couldn't stay and chat with her. I had a mission to go on.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

By the time I made it to the Sharing's Community Center, everyone else was there already. Tobias and Ax were in human morph.

((I'm here,)) I said.

"Finally," Rachel grumbled.

((Chapman kept me after school,)) I explained, landing in the bushes near my friends and demorphing back to human. ((So what's the plan?))

"We need to get Ax inside the building and to a computer," Jake said. "Preferably the computer belonging to the activities coordinator person. That way, Ax can dig up all the information he can about this dating service."

"If I may suggest-gest something," Ax said. "Perhaps it would be more uuuuseful for me to create a virus. Vi. Vi. Virus. To delete all the informoo, moo, may-tion information on the Sharing's computer network. Kuh."

"That's not a bad idea," Tobias said. "It'd be a huge distraction."

Cassie shook her head. "That's not good enough. We need something that will get the project cancelled forever. Not just delayed."

"Yeah, but how do we do that?" Rachel asked. "It's not like we have control over what the Sharing does."

"I know what we have to do," I said. "If one of use marries Visser Three, he won't need the dating service anymore, right?"

No one laughed. Oh well. Not every joke can be a gut-buster.

"We'll just do recon for now," Jake decided. "When we know more, we can pick a better course of action, okay?"

Everyone nodded.

"Let's split up into two groups," Jake said. "Group A gets Ax to a computer. Group B causes a distraction so no one interrupts Ax once he's in position."

Group A ended up being me, Cassie and Ax.

"Let's go in fly morph," Cassie suggested.

"Why?" I asked.

"Just in case they have security cameras or something," she said.

It turned out that Cassie wanted to go in morph so she could have a private thought speech conversation with me.

((Hey, Marco. Sorry if I hurt your feelings yesterday,)) Cassie thought-spoke to me.

((It's no big deal,)) I responded.

((I understand how it feels,)) Cassie went on. ((Being an Animorph involves so much secrecy and lying that you can never really get close to anyone.))

((I'm fine. Really.)) I said. Cassie is a little oversensitive about people's feelings sometimes.

((Of course you are.)) Cassie said. She sounded disappointed. Well, not _sounded_ because we were using thought-speak, but you know what I mean. ((But if you ever want to talk about it, let me know, okay?))

((Okay,)) I agreed. ((Let's get back to the mission. Ax, do you see that large desk over there?))

It's not exactly easy to see in fly morph. Your vision is split up in a hundred different ways because of the compound eyes. But still, seeing the main desk wasn't a problem. It must have been ten feet long. I guess the Sharing wanted to show off how much money they had when they built the place.

((That's probably the main desk,)) I thought-spoke to Ax. ((Walk up to it and ask the receptionist where the activities person is.))

((As you wish,)) Ax thought-spoke back to me. Technically, Ax was in morph, which is how he could use thought-speak.

"Hello," Ax said. "I am a young, single male looking for fun in my neighborhood. I believe your facilities offer activities designed to further my emotional well-being, physical capabilities and intellectual growth."

"What?" the receptionist asked.

((...Where did Ax come up with that?)) Cassie asked.

((Probably some commercial,)) I guessed.

"I wish to make use of your facilities," Ax said. "Could you direct me to the personage who oversees the proffered programs?"

"_What?_" the receptionist asked.

((Scratch that,)) I said. ((Ax has probably been watching the BBC.))

((Just ask her where the activities person is,)) Cassie told ask.

"Where is the activities person?" Ax asked. "Son. Per-son."

"Mrs. Durnam's office is in the back with the other offices," the receptionist said, pointing towards a doorway to the left. "But she's in a meeting right now. Can I take a message?"

"You certainly can," Ax said graciously. Then he walked away towards the offices the receptionist had pointed out.

((That went well,)) Ax said happily. ((I believe I have become better at passing as a normal human.))

((You still need some more work,)) I told Ax.

It didn't take Ax long to find the right office. Unfortunately, it was full of people.

((What now?)) Cassie asked.

BRIIIIIIIIING!

An alarm sounded. A loud alarm.

"Alert! Alert!" a voice over a loudspeaker blared.

((The Yeerks!)) Cassie cried. ((They know we're here!))


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Ha ha. Gotcha with the nasty, misleading cliffhanger.

It was the fire alarm, not the security alarm.

((That must be Jake's distraction,)) I said.

Everyone ran out of their offices, presumably heading for the nearest safe area. Soon, all the offices were empty.

((Let's go,)) I said. ((Cassie, stay here as lookout.))

((Okay,)) Cassie said.

Ax went inside the office, and I followed. I started demorphing. Being a fly wouldn't help when it came to computer hacking.

"I think I've found it," Ax said, pointing at a document he had opened. "Right there, it says 'Date'."

"That just means the day the document was created," I said, rolling my eyes. So much for Andalites being a technologically superior species.

"Ah," Ax said. "Sorry."

Ax resumed searching through the computer. The screen turned into a black and white mesh of gibberish. Ax started typing madly.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I am trying to repro-program this machine so I can _use_ it," Ax said. "This device is far too primitive for me to use in its current state."

A few minutes later, nothing much was different. Ax was clearly upset.

"Oh, Britney Spears, this is hard!" he cried.

I cleaned out my ear with my little finger. Clearly, I was hearing things.

"Ax, did you just mention Britney Spears?" I asked.

"Yes," Ax said. "Is it not a human custom to invoke the names of their gods in times of stress?"

"I...no?" I asked. "Ax, humans don't think Britney Spears isn't a god!"

"Then why do you have daily sacrifices to her?" Ax said. "I have seen it on my television. There is a ritual program called Entertainment Tonight that informs her followers of her actions."

I started explaining the concept of celebrity gossip to Ax. He seemed fascinated, but before I could get anywhere, Cassie interrupted.

((Someone's coming,)) Cassie warned. ((No wait, he stopped. He's yelling into his phone. Something about security and a broken window. You guys need to leave now.))

((But we are not finished yet,)) Ax said.

((He's right outside the door,)) Cassie said. ((He could come in at any second!))

"But--!"

((Ah! He's coming in now!)) Cassie cried. ((I'll distract him! You guys get the heck out of there, fast!))

There wasn't any time to argue. I grabbed a stack of papers from one of the desks and opened the office door cautiously. Not far away, a man was flinging his hands around like mad, trying to catch a fly. That fly was Cassie, of course.

Ax and I snuck out of there as fast as we could. Fortunately, the man was too focused on smashing the fly to notice two kids sneaking out of an office.

"Home free," I told Ax. Too early, as it turned out.

"Hey! You two!" a voice behind us called.

Busted.

We turned around. "Yes, sir?" I asked.

The man gave us a mean look. "Didn't you hear the fire alarm? You should have left the building already!"

"We were just about to do that," I said.

"Make sure you do," he said. "Fire safety is of the upmost importance."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Jake and the others were waiting for us outside. Apparently, they had triggered the fire alarm by throwing a rock through a window on the far side of the building.

We went a little ways away from the building so we could talk in private. We also made sure we couldn't be seen, so Cassie could morph back to human.

"So what'd you find out?" Rachel asked.

"Nothing," Ax said. "I cannnnot use such primi-primitive machines. You humans still use keyboards, for goodness' sake!"

"You didn't find _anything?_" Tobias asked.

"We got interrupted," I explained.

"But you were there for five minutes!" Cassie said. "You had plenty of time!"

"What were you doing in there—sleeping?" Rachel asked.

"We were engage. Gaged. Guh. Engaged in a fascination discussion about Brit—" Ax began.

"We weren't doing anything!" I interrupted. "On a positive note, I stole some papers! Check them out!"

I handed the papers to Jake. They turned out to be a bunch of copies of the agenda for the meeting we interrupted. It was actually a _pre_-meeting, if you can believe that. As if meetings aren't boring enough, they have to have meetings before the meetings in order to double the boredom.

Although, in this case, bureaucracy saved the day. The pre-meeting was for activities board committee monthly blah blah planning event thingy.

"Good work, Marco," Jake said. "It looks like the Sharing is having a meeting next week to discuss the events and activities they'll be doing for the next few months. The date agency is on the list of topics to discuss."

"So all we have to do is spy on their meeting," I said, trying to sound like I had known what I was doing all along. "That's where we'll get the information needed to stop the dating project, as well as several others."

"Slight problem," Jake said. "Visser Three. It says he'll be at the meeting."

Aw, man. Can't we have _one_ mission that doesn't involve that jerk?

"Um...we'll worry about that later?" I suggested.

"Meeting tomorrow at Cassie's after school," Jake decided. "See you all then. Good work, everyone."

Personally, I thought Jake was taking things a bit quicker than normal. After all, he hadn't even asked anyone for their opinion on the situation. But it turned out there was a reason Jake was rushing things. Just like Cassie, he wanted to talk to me. I must have been wearing my "I like to talk about my feelings" shirt that day.

"Marco, what's up with you and Melissa Chapman?" he asked as we walked home together.

"What do you mean?"

"Rachel's about ready to rip your head off, bro," he said. "It was all she talked about when we were making that distraction for you guys."

"Rachel's just paranoid," I said. "Nothing's going on between me and Melissa. I just flirted with her a bit this morning, that's all."

"She made it sound like you two were practically having sex in the school hallways," Jake said.

"I wish," I said. "That would have been hot."

"Well, in any case, I know I said this before, but just stay away from her, okay? Spending time with Chapmans is begging for trouble."

"Yes, _Dad_," I said. "I won't date anyone until I'm thirty."

If I last that long. I can't tell you how many times I'd thought that I wouldn't last another week as an Animorph.

All the more reason to start dating someone now.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

And that's the end of the story. It was a happy ending for everyone. Our mission at the Sharing went perfectly, and not only were we able to stop the dating project, we were able to capture Visser Three and end the Yeerk invasion. After which, I went home and made out with Rachel _and_ Melissa Chapman _at the same time_.

Okay, not really. But I wish this story could have a happy ending. Whenever Visser Three gets involved, things stop being happy _fast_. And of course, whenever cute girls are involved, you always seem to end up saying something stupid that you regret. Well, not _regret_, but you wish you could have said something different, something better, and...I'm not making any sense, am I?

Anyway. I should probably tell you what happened so you can judge for yourself whether or not I have anything to regret.

Because as you can guess, that's _not_ the end of the story. I mean, it would have been _nice_ if I was finished with the whole Melissa Chapman/dating fiasco, but life is rarely that simple.

Mistake #1 was letting Melissa see me the next day. Why? Because I'm so irresistibly cute that she decided she absolutely _had_ to have me. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what she was thinking, because she caught up with me at my locker.

"Marco! Hey," Melissa said.

"Oh, hey, Melissa," I said, a little wary about talking to her. "How's it going?"

"Lame," she said. "I've got a quiz in English next period, and I totally haven't studied for it."

"That stinks," I said. "What's it about?"

"It's about the existentialist movement in the 1920's or something stupid like that," she said. "I don't suppose you know anything about it?"

"Sorry," I said. "I only know about the Romantic Movement. I can help you study about that one _any day_."

I couldn't help it. I must have been on AutoFlirt. It's like AutoPilot, only a lot hotter.

Melissa smiled at me and gazed into my beautiful eyes. No, seriously. That's what she did.

Mistake #2.

Melissa's face fell. "Your eye...it's all better."

The black eye I had was gone, thanks to our morphing escapade the other day. See, whenever you morph, whatever injuries you have go away. It has something to do with DNA, I think. Ask Jake or someone else who pays attention in science class.

"Um...I'm a quick healer?" I guessed.

"You had a black eye yesterday, and today it's back to normal," Melissa said. "Sorry, Marco, but no one heals _that_ quickly."

I shrugged. How do you explain a black eye healing overnight?

"Sorry, I have to go now," I said. "See you later."

"Really?" Melissa asked, raising an eyebrow. "You're not hiding anything? You know, I bet my father would be interested in your magical eye."

I looked at Melissa, and she gave me a snarky grin. Threatening to turn me into her father? That was evil. That was devious.

And it was _totally hot_.

"Do you always threaten guys with detention if they won't talk with you?" I asked

"Only the cute ones," she said.

I smiled. "Fine. Let's skip class together and talk about it."

"Skip class?" Melissa's smile faltered. "I can't do that. If you skip class, you get sent to..."

"Vice Principal Chapman," I said. "Something tells me he'll go easy on you."

* * *

I probably didn't mention it before, but I am the smoothest operator in the planet.

See, that's the thing about being a jokester. When you can make a joke about anything in half a second, nobody is too impressed. But when you use the exact same split-second timing while flirting, it is the perhaps the most impressive thing on the planet.

Example:

"So really, Marco. What happened to your eye?" Melissa asked.

"I didn't realize you spent so much time looking into my eyes," I said instantly.

She laughed.

See? In a half-second, I went from being questioned to distracting her with a joke. Humor is a powerful weapon.

"I cleaned my eye up with some makeup," I said, pretending to seem reluctant to spill my secrets. "I was really embarrassed that you saw me looking beat-up, and...I wanted to look nice for you."

"That's sweet of you," Melissa said.

"You're lucky, though," I said.

"Why's that?"

"You always look nice, so you never have to worry about makeup."

No girl can resist compliments like that.

Melissa and I talked for the rest of the period. Things pretty much went smoothly the whole time. She was sweet, and I made jokes in an attempt to seem like the most attractive person on the west coast. Eventually, though, the bell rang, and we had to go back inside.

After all, when you're a girl, skipping two periods in a row is a bad thing.

"Thanks for talking with me, Marco," Melissa said. "I really enjoyed it."

"Me too," I said. "But, one thing before you leave."

It was time to move in for the kill.

Or in this case, kiss. Same difference.

The art of kissing is very finely-tuned. One must _feel_ it, and—

* * *

**Jake:**

Hey, everyone, it's Jake. I don't want to interrupt, but Marco went on and on about kissing for five whole pages. I tried telling him that Scholastic would never print something like that in a children's book, but he didn't listen.

So I had to cut it all out. Sorry.

**Marco:**

Get out of here, Jake. This is my story. You're just jealous that I know more about kissing than you do.

In any case, Melissa and I kissed. My lips were on hers, and my mind automatically started thinking about her, what a nice girl she was, how cute she was, that sort of thing.

Mistake #3.

Melissa's eyes went unfocused, and she collapsed onto me, not moving a muscle.

I recognized the symptoms immediately. She was in an acquiring coma.

See, whenever you acquire an animal's DNA, they go into a trance for a little while. It's almost like somebody has knocked them unconscious for a few seconds. Good thing, too, because I needed those few seconds to realize that I had become the only person in the history of the world to acquire someone's DNA by kissing them.

"W...woah," Melissa said, coming out of the trance. "That was...that was weird."

Not exactly what you want to hear a girl say after you've kissed her, but whatever. I've heard worse.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Melissa ran off to class. I think she was a little weirded out by the acquiring trance. I don't blame her. The whole thing kinda freaked me out, too.

I was pretty sure what I had done was wrong. The Animorphs have an unspoken agreement that we never acquire sentient beings without permission. That's mostly Cassie's doing, though. Me? I don't moralize about morphing other humans; I do what it takes to get the job done.

No, I was more concerned about how dangerous a situation I was in. After all, Chapman, Rachel _and_ Jake all told me I could never go out with Melissa, and they had made a number of threats about what they'd do if I didn't break it off with her immediately. And instead of dumping Melissa, I had done pretty much the exact opposite.

Even though that's totally unfair that I get to be the only single member of the Animorphs. Think about it. Cassie has Jake, Rachel has Tobias the Bird Boy, and Ax has cinnamon buns. True love in all three cases.

But Marco—who, in my estimation, is pretty much the best Animorph ever—doesn't . No way that's fair.

That was enough whining, though. We had a mission: infiltrate the Sharing and spy on their activities meeting. Unfortunately, Jake's plan was really dumb.

"We know the meeting is somewhere in the Sharing's building, but we don't know where," Jake said. "That means we have to follow somebody who we know is going to be there."

"Right," Cassie said.

"I figure Chapman is our guy," Jake said. "So we'll morph bugs and hitch a ride in Chapman's briefcase. That way, he'll take us into the meeting."

"Are you serious?" I asked Jake. "Hitch a ride in Chapman's briefcase? That's insane!"

((Will there be enough time?)) Ax asked. ((The meeting is set for one and a half of your hours.))

"Ax, why do you always say _your_ hours?" I asked. "You Andalites built the morphing technology to work for exactly two Earth hours, but you still act like Earth time is a completely foreign concept to you."

Ax ignored me.

"It's going to be cutting it close," Jake admitted. "But it's the best plan I could think of. Odds are, the Yeerks will be on the lookout for insects in the room. They won't be on the lookout for insects in their own business supplies."

"It sounds good to me," Rachel said. "Let's do it!"

"Sorry, you're not my type," I told her.

"_Marco!_" Jake, Cassie, Rachel and Tobias all shouted at me. Four Animorphs for the price of one. That's how you _know_ a joke is good.

"Don't kill me!" I said. "I was just kidding!"

I mean, of course it was a joke. Rachel is _totally_ my type. Besides for her psychotic tendencies, that is.

"Hmph," Rachel said. "I say we leave Marco to the Yeerks."

"Look, it's a good plan," I said. "But did you think that Chapman could easily trap us all _just by shutting his briefcase?_ That would be the most embarrassing superhero failure ever."

"That's why two of us will go as surveillance," Jake said.

Surveillance is a pretty cool idea. In the movies, it means somebody gets to hang back, away from the action, and watch everything on TV screens. Not a bad gig, in my opinion.

Unfortunately, in this case, "surveillance" meant that Jake and I got stuck in fly morph. Jake was on the side of Chapman's briefcase, and I was on Chapman's back. If something went wrong—which it _always_ does, by the way—we'd be able to warn the others to escape from Chapman's briefcase in time.

((What happens if there's one of those BioFilter things?)) I asked Jake. ((They're probably going to have extra security at this meeting because of Visser Three.))

((We hope everyone can get out of the briefcase in time,)) Jake said.

Fortunately for us, Chapman had one of those dorky briefcases that look like giant purses. People always leave the top of those briefcases half-open so it's easy to grab papers and whatever. That made it relatively easy for us to get in and out of the briefcase without being seen.

Just think: if he had one of those briefcases that people always keep locked, we would have been screwed.

((So we're flies, catching a ride in our vice-principal's briefcase, in order to spy on a top-secret meeting to make sure that alien invaders don't start a dating service,)) I said. ((Is it me, or have our lives gotten weird?))

((Just keep an eye out for anything dangerous,)) Jake warned.

Amazingly, nothing dangerous happened. Chapman went inside the Sharing, then headed straight to one of the meeting rooms. He sat down in a chair and dropped the briefcase onto the ground beside him.

((I think this is it,)) I told Jake.

((Me, too,)) Jake said. ((Everyone, this is it. One at a time, leave the briefcase.))

The meeting hadn't started yet, so nobody noticed a few flies slip out of Chapman's briefcase. It helped that the briefcase was at ground level, where nobody was watching it. We gathered underneath the table, where people would be least likely to look.

((I can't believe this is working so well,)) I said. ((No Bio Filter? No Hork Bajr? We're never this lucky. I love this mission.))

A few minutes of _absolutely nothing_ happening later, I changed my mind. ((This is so boring,)) I said. ((When are they going to start this meeting?))

((I believe they're waiting for someone,)) Ax said.

Ax was right, as usual. About a few minutes later, the doors to the meeting room slammed open.

"All right, I'm here!" a loud, sneering voice said. "What do you have for me _this_ month?"

It was Visser Three.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"Hello, Visser," someone said. It was kind of hard to tell _who_, because we were under the table, so all we could see was everyone's legs. "How are you doing tonight?"

"I hate these planning meetings," Visser Three said. Even in human morph, his voice was unpleasant. "Let's make this as quick as possible."

"Yes. Well, first up on the agenda is a recap of last month's activities," someone said. "Payne, that's your territory."

"March was a good month for the Sharing," someone—obviously Payne—said. "The book drive raised over two thousand dollars for needy children and libraries—"

"I don't care about helping needy Earth brats!" the Visser shouted. "How many people did the Sharing recruit?"

"W-we got twelve new members," Payne said.

"NOT ENOUGH!" Visser Three shouted. "Why aren't there more?!"

"I—I—I'm not the one in charge of PR for the Sharing!" Payne protested. "She is!"

"_Well?_ Why aren't there more new members?!"

"We thought that it would be better for the Sharing's image if we focused more on public charity works, not recruiting," a woman said. "For example, the book drive got us a lot of positive press. The regional newspaper ran an article about it on the eighth page of the local news section."

"_I don't care about making the human news!_" Visser Three shouted. "I care about getting as many new controllers as possible!"

((I would _hate_ to work for Visser Three,)) I said. ((He's the worst boss ever.))

"W-w-w-we're trying, Visser!" the woman pleaded. "We're trying a technique that has been very successful in human businesses—departmental slogans. In PR, we chose 'PR focuses on PRess'. We've put it on T-shirts and coffee mugs..."

"_FOOLS!!!_" Visser Three shouted. "INCOMPETENT MORONS! No wonder this planet hasn't been conquered yet!"

Visser Three began demorphing. Apparently, he wanted his Andalite tail blade handy in case anybody else angered him.

((What about the Andalite bandits?)) the Visser asked. ((Has any progress been made in locating them?))

"In the accounting department, we're scheduled to have a pre-meeting next month to see if we have the budget to start a focus group to look into possibility of creating an Andalite Task Force," someone said, trying to be helpful.

The Visser's tail blade snapped, and a body fell down to the ground.

((Are there any other fools want to tell me useless information?)) Visser Three roared.

"No, Visser," everyone said at once.

((Good. Is that everything, then?))

"No, Visser," Chapman said. "We still have to discuss the plans for next month."

((Very well. What is the Sharing going to do _next_ month?))

"We are hoping to have a canned food drive," someone said. "Last year, we got about fifteen hundred cans, and we hope we can ma—"

The Visser snapped his tail, and another body fell to the ground. I hope he was simply knocking the controllers unconscious, instead of killing them outright.

((I don't care about feeding humans!)) the Visser shouted. ((What else?!))

Someone gulped. "Well...next on the agenda is the dating project. We thought the Sharing could get publicity by starting a dating service."

((This is it, everyone,)) Jake reminded us all.

((Dating?)) Visser Three asked. ((What is dating?))

"It is a form of human social interaction," someone supplied. "It is quite popular, because it helps humans locate and identify potential mates."

((You want to help humans MATE?)) Visser Three roared. ((All of the resources this facility has, and you want to waste it all on helping humans procreate? If anybody is going to do any mating around here, it's going to be me!))

((I did _not_ need to hear that,)) I said.

((Speaking of which, how is that Andalite cloning process coming along?)) Visser Three asked. ((The Yeerk Empire needs more than one Andalite host body if it ever hopes to invade the Andalite Home World!))

"We have harvested the samples from your host body, Visser," someone said. "Our scientists are studying them, but they fear that they can't make any clones without similar samples from a female Andalite."

((Very well,)) Visser Three said. ((We can attempt to kidnap one of the female Andalite bandits and infest her. Then, you can take what you need from her in order to make a clone, and I can use my host body to impregnate her. That way, we can have two new Andalite host bodies at once! The Council of Thirteen will surely promote me!))

((That is the most perverse thing I have ever heard!)) Ax said disgustedly.

((You said a mouthful,)) Tobias agreed.

((Is that all?)) Visser Three asked. ((Is this meeting over?))

"The Sharing wants to start a volleyball league," someone said. "That's next on the agenda."

((What is volleyball?)) the Visser asked.

"It's a human sport," Chapman said.

The Visser roared in fury. ((FOOLS!!! Why must you waste my time like this?!))

"The agenda—"

The Visser's tail blade snapped, and another body joined the group on the floor.

((Listen carefully,)) Visser Three said. ((Here are your orders. You will immediately stop these foolish plans. There will be no food drives, no dating, no volleyball, or anything else you imbeciles might have thought of. Instead, you shall put the money into the cloning project. Work on recruiting more humans, and for God's sake, think of some way to capture the Andalite bandits! MEETING OVER!))

There was a loud bang, which I guessed was Visser Three leaving the room.

"Um...you heard the Visser, everyone," Chapman said. "Let's, uh, get to it."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

The Controllers started talking amongst themselves.

((Back to the briefcase, everyone,)) Jake said. ((Chapman will probably leave any second now.))

((Jake?)) I asked.

((Yes, Marco?))

((This was the stupidest mission ever.))

((For once, I agree with Marco,)) Rachel said. ((We went through all this trouble to stop the dating project, only to have Visser Three do it for us.))

((Well...we didn't know that was going to happen,)) Jake said. ((Is everyone in the briefcase?))

((Yes,)) everyone chorused.

((Good,)) Jake said. ((Marco, let's follow Chapman, just like we did on the way in here. Ax, how are we on time?))

((We have well over an hour,)) Ax said. ((The Visser may be incompetent, but he is quite efficient.))

((Good,)) Jake said again. ((Now we just have to wait for Chapman to get up and leave.))

We waited for a minute or so, then Chapman got out of his chair and picked up the briefcase.

((Woah!)) Jake cried.

I saw it, too. Chapman picked up his briefcase and automatically shut the top without looking at it.

((This is not good!)) I said.

((We're trapped!)) Cassie cried. ((Jake, what do we do?))

((We should have stayed in the room and waited for the Controllers to leave instead of using Chapman's briefcase again!)) Tobias said. ((Stupid!))

((Don't panic. I've got a plan,)) Jake said, sounding like he was on top of things. ((I'll stay with Chapman. Marco, you morph back to human and think of a way to get him to open his briefcase, even if it means trying to steal it.))

((Gotcha,)) I said.

I flew off as fast as I could, trying to find a place to demorph. Somewhere where nobody would see me.

((Chapman stopped to talk to someone,)) Jake informed me. ((That should buy us some time.))

I found an empty cubicle and flew under the desk. I began to demorph, hoping nobody would come in.

My mind started working overtime. How could I get Chapman to open his briefcase? I could steal it, but that would be risky unless I went into gorilla morph or something like that.

I suppose I could have tried distracting him by tripping the fire alarm, but that happened earlier in this story, and if we used a trick twice in the same story, that would be cheating the readers, and we Animorphs have literary intergrity.

Besides, setting off the fire alarm wouldn't make Chapman open his briefcase. That was a stupid idea. No, I had to do something else, and I think I knew what.

I sighed, and started running outside the building. As I ran, I began to morph.

**

* * *

****Jake:**

((Marco, if you can hear this, hurry!)) I said. ((I think their conversation is almost over!))

Meanwhile, Cassie reported that they couldn't find any cracks in the briefcase large enough to escape through. Crap.

Then, Chapman's cell phone rang. He picked it up.

"Chapman, here,"

I hoped that was Marco with his distraction. The person on the other end of the line muttered something I couldn't quite hear, so I flew in closer.

"What kind of situation?" Chapman asked. "No humans saw the Visser leave, did they?"

"No, Mr. Chapman. It's your daughter. She's..."

"She's what?"

"She's running around the building naked, singing 'Polly Wolly Doodle'."

"WHAT?!" Chapman shouted.

Chapman dropped his briefcase. It fell to the ground, where it crashed open, and everything spilled across the floor. Chapman didn't notice.

((We're free!)) Cassie said.

((Let's get the heck out of here!)) Rachel said.

((Marco?)) I said. ((What are you doing right now?))

((Distracting Chapman,)) he said. ((Did it work? Can I stop?))

((It worked,)) I said. ((I repeat, _what_ are you doing?))

((I'll tell you later,)) Marco said.

Later that night, when we were all going home, Marco explained that he knocked a Controller out, then morphed him and stole his cell phone. He then called Chapman and distracted him with a crazy phone call.

I seriously hope that Marco was telling the truth. Otherwise, I'll have to give him a major reprimand.

Right after asking what it's like to morph a girl.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Marco:**

Well, that was the end of our whole stupid adventure. We discovered the Yeerks were starting a dating project and went through a whole fiasco trying to figure out how to stop it, only to have Visser Three pull the plug on the whole deal. Basically, we could have stayed at home and done nothing, and the problem would have solved itself. Awesome.

But if there's one good thing that came out of all of this, at least our misadventure at the Sharing's offices solved my problems of what to do with Melissa.

See, I stopped by her locker the next morning. She looked kind of sad.

"Hi, Melissa," I said.

"Hey, Marco," she replied. "I've got some bad news."

"What?"

"My dad grounded me for life yesterday," Melissa said. "Apparently, a whole bunch of people saw me streaking at the Sharing last night."

"You went streak—?"

"**NO**," Melissa said. "Like I told Dad, I was at home the whole time! I don't know what the heck he's talking about!"

I felt kind of bad for Melissa. She had gotten in trouble for something I had done, and there was no way I could ever explain it to her. And then I felt bad because her getting in trouble with her dad was _good_ for me.

"So, basically, you're grounded for no reason," I said.

"Yeah," Melissa said. "Majorly grounded."

"That stinks," I said. "I'm sorry that—"

"That's not all. Dad also checked the class attendance records, and found out that I skipped class with you yesterday," Melissa said.

"Uh oh," I said.

"So in addition to grounding me forever, he's forbidden me from talking to you ever again."

"That seems...harsh," I said. "Actually, that totally stinks! We can't hang out anymore?"

"No," Melissa said. "I'm sorry. I don't know _why_ my dad is being such a jerk."

_It's because he's an evil alien from outer space_, I thought.

"Oh well," I said. "Maybe it's for the best. Your friend Rachel said she'd kill me if so much as looked at you again."

Melissa laughed.

"So this is goodbye?" I asked.

"At least until I'm un-grounded," Melissa said.

"Okay. Goodbye, Melissa," I said, hugging her.

"Goodbye," she said. "If your phone ever ends up in my backpack again, I'll know what to do."

"Thanks," I said. "See ya."

I turned around and made the long journey back to my locker. At least, it seemed long to me.

Jake caught up with me soon afterwards. "I saw that," he said.

"Yippy for you," I muttered.

"Marco, I know it sounds corny, but I'm proud of you," Jake said. "You did the right thing. I'm not sure _I_ would have been able to break up with the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me."

"Since when is Melissa the _only_ girl who's shown interest in me?" I asked. "Jake, you may not know it, but tons of girls are into me."

"Really?" Jake asked jokingly.

"There's plenty of fish in the sea, and I have a shark morph. Life isn't so bad."

Plus, I didn't _need_ a girlfriend anymore. I had a girl morph now.

Life was definitely not bad at all.


End file.
